A Year Ago Today…

The Sun Hitting Mesa Arch in Canyonlands National Park

I woke early this morning in my tent in Canyonlands National Park to watch the sun rise through Mesa Arch.  As I watched the sun slowly creep over the rock and turn the sandstone blood red simultaneous feelings of grief and bliss washed over me and I spiraled into a state of internal reflection.  Exactly a year ago today I left my world of comfort and stability in search of a more creative and adventuresome existence.

Growing increasingly restless I decided to quit my job and pursue the life that thus far I had been too afraid to live.  I wanted to get out and explore rather than spend my time reading about the lives of those out doing it and now one year later I am quite surprised how things turned out.  I honestly thought it would be harder.  I am definitely not getting rich, but I am making do and absolutely amazed at that!

But just yesterday, as I left the Salt Lake City smog and traffic behind I bawled my eyes out.  I was coming out of an emotional week.  I was sad about the changes the end of summer was bringing and I was frustrated about health insurance.  My “transition” heath plan was ending and my whole body was getting denied insurance through private carriers.  Turns out I won’t be able to get my entire being insured until reform happens in 2014 and that freaks me out so much that I applied at Starbucks…

I don’t like how isolating writing is but I love the freedom it has offered me.  I don’t like the lack of insurance, but love the fact that I’ve been healthier than ever without it.

I still don’t like spending the entire day in front of the computer, but I love the ever changing views.  And I still don’t like twitter, yet I love the people I’ve met through it and the opportunities it has given me.

Mesa Arch, Canyonlands National Park

Who knows how long I am going to do all this.  I think it would be a fabulous job to do alongside something else since I still crave human contact and have an overwhelming desire to help others and contribute something positive to this world.

I still wonder where I’d be if I had gone to med school or if I hadn’t fled PhD school screaming after only one year.  What if I hadn’t come back to Salt Lake after trying to leave twice?  I am entertaining the idea of going back to school but I can’t decided if I want to be a nurse, an archeologist, an environmental scientist, or whatever the whim of the day may be.

But here I am in the Canyonlands, one of my most favorite places on Earth and I wouldn’t be here right now if I had chosen any one of those other paths.  I certainly wouldn’t be here “working” and doing some last minute research for my Moab/Arches/Canyonlands iPhone App coming out real soon and I wouldn’t be sitting here rocking in a super comfy hammock I’m testing out for Travel Gear Blog.

I have accepted the fact that I will never strike it rich in writer-land and that this too may just be a temporary resting place before I truly figure out what it is I really want to do. But please someone remind me of how great all of this is when I start to freak!